I often find myself hesitating. Hesitating to press “Publish” on a blog post. Hesitating to share a picture. Hesitating to suggest an idea.
I enjoy writing, but I don’t write on my blog often. What if everyone thinks this post is lame? Or a shameless grab for attention? Or, maybe even worse, what if I actually receive attention? There are plenty of better writers out there than me anyways…
I enjoy taking photos, but I don’t share them often enough. The exposure is off. The sky is washed out. The shadows are grainy. There are plenty of better photographers out there…
I have unique experiences, but I tend to keep a guard up. I’m sure it’s a bit of Impostor Syndrome. Maybe it’s because I barely graduated high school. What if I come across as uneducated? What if I reveal too much about myself? What if I overuse italics?
I’ve been trying to be more mindful of these thoughts lately. And I’ve been trying to challenge them when appropriate.
If someone thinks this post is lame… so what? I have unique thoughts and experiences, and odds are, at least someone will enjoy reading about them.
If the sky is washed out in a photo… who cares? No one is going to judge me based on an overexposed photo. And if they do, they’re probably a lousy jerk anyways.
I suppose these thoughts are part of something bigger. At 29, I’m realizing that I’m not a kid anymore. I have the freedom to determine what’s important to me. And I’m starting to figure those things out.
With that, I’m trying to figure out what’s preventing me from making those things a priority. Often times, it’s the hesitation that’s holding me back. The fear of judgment. The fear of failure, or imperfection.
But really… who cares?
The photo at the top is one that I took a few months ago. It was one of my first attempts at shooting star trails. It’s grainy and the exposure is wrong.